Bringing Iah Home

 The doctor said an autopsy could possibly give us answers about why our baby died. Three years later, I can’t even get answers from the hospital about why she never made it to SickKids and what has happened since we entrusted our daughter to them. All we know is there was no autopsy and we still haven’t buried our daughter.

On October 10, 2021, we went to the ER at Etobicoke General. I was just shy of 32 weeks pregnant. Initially, they wouldn't let Chris into the maternity ward. I was alone. After two ultrasounds, they confirmed that there was no heartbeat. They moved me into a delivery room, let Chris in and we waited for an induction so I could deliver her. Before they got to us, I started to deliver Iah. She was born sleeping. I had no idea that when I left the hospital that day, this was only the beginning of my nightmare.

After signing the autopsy paper work, I asked when she would be sent to SickKids and we were told it would happen on the same day. All they gave me when I left was the number for a social worker printed on a piece of paper, a baby hat for a child I did not have, and bereavement brochures.

During my postpartum wellness check with my doctor, he told me autopsies have been taking longer to complete because of the pandemic. At that point, we had no reason to think anything was wrong. We just followed up at the number they gave us for the social worker, for months.

In April of 2022, 6 months later, a grief support coordinator from SickKids reach out to us after our multiple calls to the pathology department. She investigated then informed us Iah’s body never arrived at SickKIds.

She went further and checked with the other hospitals she may have ended up at and confirmed she wasn’t at any of them. Then she followed up with Etobicoke General. She said they had no idea what she was talking about.

I was devastated. 

Knowing that a part of me was out there in the world, alone, cold, and unprotected haunted me. I tried to find joy and accept that I would have to heal anyway, but it was impossible.

In July 2023, the Chief Patient Officer for William Osler Health System reached out to say they had my baby’s body all along. 

Why had no one contacted me before?

Still, we didn't have any answers. They just wanted us to come get her, with zero explanations, zero accountability. We didn't know what to do. I was pregnant again, 32 weeks actually. I had to try to completely compartmentalize for the next 2 months to focus on having a successful birth. But the wound was already reopened.

In the last 13 months every communication with their Chief Patient Officer was about us taking the body, with no offer of any answers, no support, no effort to rectify anything.

We had no way of holding them accountable. We had a hard time getting a lawyer to advocate for us. But we knew if we took the body without answers, that would be it. 

And it seemed like we would have to go up against the hospital alone. And then I found Kathryn Marshall. We are not satisfied with their response to our plea for answers, so we will be seeking legal action.

When will we finally get answers and to lay our baby to rest so we can start the healing journey?